Jokes, simplicity put the 'eh' in 'Eternity'
A24
It probably would happen at least a few times a year, right? People arrive to the afterlife and realize they must choose among loves from different parts of their lives to be their forever date in a single location of their choice. Think of the narrative places that situation could take someone — maybe talking with others who have faced a similar fate or trained consultants who can provide guidance or even a thoughtful head-to-head (or head-to-head-to-head, or however many are needed) comparison that really can empower an informed decision.
That’s not what “Eternity” does, though. Feeling too much like (the far, far inferior) “One True Loves” goes to “The Good Place,” this romantic comedy directed and co-written by David Freyne is usually too cliche to be romantic and too desperate to be funny.
Having died choking on a pretzel in a running gag that never works, Larry (a miscast Miles Teller) actually doesn’t have to wait long for Joan (Elizabeth Olsen), his wife of 65 years, to join him in the holding station where people decide which eternity they want to pick. A few are no longer available (“Clown World” wasn’t that popular, it sems) but there are options galore otherwise, from beach world to Studio 54 world (?) to Germany in the 1930s but with “100% less Nazis.” As if that weren’t a tough enough call, also waiting for Joan is Luke (Callum Turner), who died in the Korean War and has spent 67 years hoping for a reunion. (Clearly the dead don’t get to see what the living are up to, or perhaps Luke would’ve moved on.)
Absolutely yes to an old-fashioned love story, one that feels retro but also even a little bit practical, romantic and of its time. Except we recently got the wonderful “Fly Me to the Moon” and almost everyone rejected that, so I don’t know what to tell ya. “Eternity,” with its mentions of Montgomery Clift and Dean Martin and even Olsen’s mannered delivery, wants to nod to a long-lost feeling of sweeping romance but doesn’t earn it. The characters are too light on questions and understanding, and without dashing down creative tunnels the movie lingers in a basic holding pattern of battling young love vs. mature love among performances that don’t particularly fit together. (Turner fares best, and that’s not something I thought I’d ever say.)
It sounds corny, but “Eternity” is too long, largely because of its inability to take its love triangle beyond (yes, I’m mentioning this again) when Slater had to decide between Jessie and his old girlfriend who suddenly appeared in town. Not a moment in “Eternity” is anywhere near as powerful as the scene in “Adventureland” comparing speedboats and sailboats, which probably would be an easier call when facing infinity. Or maybe not.
C
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