'Madame Web' is all washed out
Ooh, with a title like “Madame Web” this Marvel origin story must be French and ultra-classy, directed by Francois Ozon and starring Adele Exarchopoulos and twisting American superhero exhaustion into intimate yet irresistible European flair.
Hardly. Helmed by first-time feature director SJ Clarkson and starring Dakota Johnson in a performance that can only be described as so very, very tired, “Madame Web” mixes a goofy backstory about spider people, premonitions and preventions about the future that are like “Final Destination” meets “Terminator 2,” and the soggiest possible approach to mythmaking. The result is not the hilariously bad disaster you may have heard about but a prime example of superhero fatigue reaching cast members too. At this point we should all be telling Hollywood that it’s so far over the line that, to quote Joey Tribbiani, the line is a dot to you.
After an overlong set-up that hints at the further dullness that follows, socially awkward paramedic Cassie Webb (Johnson) finds herself the protector of a trio of teenagers (played by actresses that are too old, including Sydney Sweeney) being hunted by Ezekiel (Tahar Rahim of “A Prophet,” which I really wish was streaming), a persistent baddie who also happens to have murdered Cassie’s mother (Kerry Bishe) before Cassie was born. (P.S. this is all set in New York in 2003 for some reason.) While that might sound complicated, it’s actually not even close to enough to sustain a low-stakes narrative that maybe could skate by on an electric lead performance but instead gets less enthusiasm than Johnson brought to her character’s love of Facebook in “The Social Network.” (“The Lost Daughter” remains her best performance.)
The effects stink, Rahim’s dialogue appears to have been dubbed over in the most conspicuous manner possible, and not even Adam Scott as Cassie’s colleague Ben Parker (yes, Parker, bleh) can liven things up. There are so many scenes that will only inspire you to imagine the cast hanging out on set and talking about how excited they are for all this to be over, and you of course agreeing, but not even wishing you could be on set also because of how clearly no one has bought into any of this — and no one is having any fun. Isn’t that supposed to be DC’s brand?
D+
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